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I remember my kindergarten target too JG and it went on from there. I was 4 years old and latched on from there.
I was trying to leave a dysfunctional relationship about 15 years ago and couldn't do it as usual. It was during a time when I was having memories come up that I had buried. One of the memories that came up was of me at 4 years old hiding in my kitchen cupboard terrified. I know that I lived with my parents domestic violence and I was very afraid of my father because we were punished extremely even at such a young age. The memory was that for some reason I couldn't hide in the cupboard any longer. I don't know why. Maybe they wouldn't let me anymore or maybe I got too big or something. My new hiding place became boyfriends. It started when I was 4. The minute I remembered, I was able to let go of the relationships and never looked back. If I find one great. If I don't find one that's OK too.
We do the things we have to do to survive and then forget why we are doing it. We continue to use the survival methods when we don't need them anymore. It's really amazing when the puzzle pieces start fitting together. I should have found a closet instead, lol. At least you have control over that.
I'm really glad you had a breakthrough.
Hugs to you,
MG
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