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hey Clay:
I have mentioned this before, but I am in a very similar situation as you are. I understand the loneliness and longing, especially once the fog of drugs/alcohol clears and emotions we would usually drown out are screaming at us. The way I deal with the whole relationship issue is just look at it realistically in terms of my sobriety. As much as I would like one, the version of a relationship in my head is idyllic and not as it would actually be. For me at least, it would take an overwhelming amount of mental/emotional energy to be in any kind of romantic/sexual relationship, so I have made the concious decision not to seek any. Right now I am not stable enough to be able to handle that stuff and it could easily lead to relapse. Others who are more adept in these kinds of situations may be able to do it with ease but I have to recognize my own limitations. Rather than think about how lonely it makes me feel, I try to focus on the positives, that what I am doing is laying the groundwork for me to be able to handle these situations in the future and if I try to do so now, before I am equipt to do so, it could have disasterous consequences for my long-term happiness. I really get where you are coming from. All you can do is focus on yourself and make yourself a more attractive partner for someone in the future. Ultimately, recovery is about giving us the tools for handling our everyday lives, such as relationships, but some of us are sicker than others in this regard and it is good to recognize this. Best of luck.
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