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Charmie · 08-07-2009, 04:36 PM

long story here,,,about 4 months ago i wrote a letter to the Scottish AA mag.i had forgotten all about it.it has been printed.a few folk metioned it at my lunchtime meeting yesterday.one lady said thank you.i dont remember exactly whats in it but remember at the time being on a complete high and consumed with gratitude (happens alot!),,that was nice.then i heard that some other folk while i wasnt present were sn!ggering over said letter and asking "who did i think i was after only being in AA 5 minutes?",,so what did i do? i let self seeking fear rule the roost and got myself in a mess today.of course i didnt realise it was self seeking fear until some very sage words from various folk and much later in the day!,,then,,2 days ago i "bumped" into a lady i have known for a long time and have often suspected was the "same as us" but of course not for me to say,,,i went up to her and gave her a hug and asked her how she was,she said to me "you look bright" i said "i am bright most of the time these days!" then blurted out i had been sober 6 months and it was a miracle! (she lives in small village i moved to and has seen me perform),,she asked if i went to AA,i said yes,she showed intrest and i asked her if she would like to go,gave her my numb.she called me last night and i am taking her sunday.so,,,then my self seeking fear turns from "eek,what are folk saying about me?" to "eek,what are they going to think of me!!!??" who does she think she is 12 stepping at 6 months? i spoke to many folk and couldnt get my sponsor till this evening.i met a chap i know with very attractive programme just after i spoke to this lady so decided to call him.he is taking us to a none gossipy meeting instead of the one i thought i would have to take her to,,phew.i know this wasnt accident meeting him either!.i went to meeting tonight and a visitor shared about how his self seeking fear still rears its ugly head from time to time and how he sometimes wont let go! i burst out laughing,,i couldnt believe it,he was describing me,that day,up until just an hour ago!,,i do not know much and the day i think i do i am in deep trouble.i respect and love some of the "old timers" and go to them ALL the time.but i shared how i was going to help this lady as it was our primary purpose,its not up to me,i am only doing His will and how some folk may be uncomfortable me doing this.but its none of my business what they think.i asked someone with "good sobriety" to help me help her.i am not going to apoligise anymore for working a programme and it seemingly working for me.i am happy,joyous,free and so so grateful,if im 6 months or 60 yrs,who cares? we only have today.

08-07-2009, 04:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,322	i hope it never ceases to amaze! long story here,,,about 4 months ago i wrote a letter to the Scottish AA mag.i had forgotten all about it.it has been printed.a few folk metioned it at my lunchtime meeting yesterday.one lady said thank you.i dont remember exactly whats in it but remember at the time being on a complete high and consumed with gratitude (happens alot!),,that was nice.then i heard that some other folk while i wasnt present were sn!ggering over said letter and asking "who did i think i was after only being in AA 5 minutes?",,so what did i do? i let self seeking fear rule the roost and got myself in a mess today.of course i didnt realise it was self seeking fear until some very sage words from various folk and much later in the day!,,then,,2 days ago i "bumped" into a lady i have known for a long time and have often suspected was the "same as us" but of course not for me to say,,,i went up to her and gave her a hug and asked her how she was,she said to me "you look bright" i said "i am bright most of the time these days!" then blurted out i had been sober 6 months and it was a miracle! (she lives in small village i moved to and has seen me perform),,she asked if i went to AA,i said yes,she showed intrest and i asked her if she would like to go,gave her my numb.she called me last night and i am taking her sunday.so,,,then my self seeking fear turns from "eek,what are folk saying about me?" to "eek,what are they going to think of me!!!??" who does she think she is 12 stepping at 6 months? i spoke to many folk and couldnt get my sponsor till this evening.i met a chap i know with very attractive programme just after i spoke to this lady so decided to call him.he is taking us to a none gossipy meeting instead of the one i thought i would have to take her to,,phew.i know this wasnt accident meeting him either!.i went to meeting tonight and a visitor shared about how his self seeking fear still rears its ugly head from time to time and how he sometimes wont let go! i burst out laughing,,i couldnt believe it,he was describing me,that day,up until just an hour ago!,,i do not know much and the day i think i do i am in deep trouble.i respect and love some of the "old timers" and go to them ALL the time.but i shared how i was going to help this lady as it was our primary purpose,its not up to me,i am only doing His will and how some folk may be uncomfortable me doing this.but its none of my business what they think.i asked someone with "good sobriety" to help me help her.i am not going to apoligise anymore for working a programme and it seemingly working for me.i am happy,joyous,free and so so grateful,if im 6 months or 60 yrs,who cares? we only have today.