SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

discontentmiser · 08-05-2009, 12:12 PM

I know about pretending to be okay

I can barely be around my mom unless I'm in a "good head space"

My doc says I should be more honest to her and seek her support; but she commuted and was a weekend mom, so it's just weird trying to tell her how upset I am.

But trying to hide everything, trust me, is way too exhausting to keep up indefinitely.

"working hard" to stay okay (in a good head space) is impossible; I've tried and IT'S NEVER ENOUGH

I am still angry about my symptoms. I'm a firm believer in "if I can't accept it in someone else, I don't deserve (and won't) get it accepted in me by others"
so I'm really pissed at my dad (and mom) and their -ism's, but feel like I don't deserve to get better.

In my messed up head I believe that if I blame others, then they blame me and it's my fault

I want to be able to control everything and make it all fine and good too, but so far it's not working, so I'm sticking with alanon untiI find something that works better

Be safe, no one's here to judge you

big hugs!

08-05-2009, 12:12 PM	#4 (permalink)
discontentmiser Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: canada Posts: 63	I know about pretending to be okay I can barely be around my mom unless I'm in a "good head space" My doc says I should be more honest to her and seek her support; but she commuted and was a weekend mom, so it's just weird trying to tell her how upset I am. But trying to hide everything, trust me, is way too exhausting to keep up indefinitely. "working hard" to stay okay (in a good head space) is impossible; I've tried and IT'S NEVER ENOUGH I am still angry about my symptoms. I'm a firm believer in "if I can't accept it in someone else, I don't deserve (and won't) get it accepted in me by others" so I'm really pissed at my dad (and mom) and their -ism's, but feel like I don't deserve to get better. In my messed up head I believe that if I blame others, then they blame me and it's my fault I want to be able to control everything and make it all fine and good too, but so far it's not working, so I'm sticking with alanon untiI find something that works better Be safe, no one's here to judge you big hugs!