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Heh. We Agnostics.
It took me a looooong time to make my peace with that chapter. There are statements in it that remain obnoxious to me to this day. Basically, I went to a lot of meetings and found the AA community, including an excellent sponsor. She is taking me through the steps. I'm really sorry but it's been a long journey that I can't wrap up into a post, I don't have the gift for that sort of thing that others here do. Suffice it to say that I have taken steps 1 2 & 3 and while I do have a HP, it is not a "creative intelligence".
I have to say, with your belief in souls, you are already starting in a more open place than I was. So my advice based on my experience is to... relax. Start with the basic goal of going to meetings with just the goal of finding support of people who have been where you've been and come through to the other side in one piece. It gives you something to do besides drink; gets you out of the house; it's free; there's coffee; let the god-stuff bounce off. Just don't drink and go to meetings, yes I said it! I would suggest lots of speaker meetings. Those knocked me on my @ss when I was brand-new, I came to realize that absolutely NOTHING had happened to me that had not happened to another alcoholic who was now sober.
Whatever happens next, happens. You might choose to never work a step. This is allowed. You might find that "don't drink and go to meetings" doesn't do it and either stop going to meetings and find another path, or decide to get a sponsor and start step work. China may stop loaning our country money, take us over and we will all be too busy learning Mandarin to think about these issues. That's tomorrow. *shrug* What are your plans for this Sunday night? If there's nothing on your plate, an option is to go to a meeting.
I was 3 or 4 months into going to meetings before I felt ready to buckle down to the steps. It takes a while for the brain fog to clear.
All the best, Clay.
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