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Glad you're here and thinks for the post.I struggled with Step 1 for years, as I stuggled with getting sober for years. Then I thought I had it so I might as well keep drinking,afterall, I was an alcoholic, thats what we do. Finally when I seemed to have lost everything but my life and I was thinking of losing that I realized the whole step, powerless and more importantly the unmanagebility of my life. Sick, tired, alone, drunk and suicidal, I just surrendered totally, and in my total surrender I became free. Today I am sober and reasonably happy, putting my life together moment by moment.I am an alcoholic, it is a primary, chronic, progressive, and fatal disease (if not treated) and I am powerless over its affects if not treated--like a diabetic eating sweets or not taking insulin. I can recover if I don't pick up, moment by moment, day by day, forever and ever. I just can't be cured. Pick up and I'm back at square 1 and worse. I'm powerless over my disease but not powerless over my choices and action. In not picking up moment by moment I feel I have gained true power and genuine freedom for the first time in my life. Its wonderful, I wish it for everyone,may you find it now.
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