[Cynay]

Welcome MC.... Glad to meet you and congrads on your recovery.

Recovery is alot like divorce in the emotional department.... that is probably why your sponsors are suggesting what they are. Im sure you have heard it said in early recovery that "no changes in relationships" that means that if your married or in a relationship ... dont leave it (like it sounds your sonsors did) and if your single ... stay that way. Most professionals will tell you to stay single after a divorce... and I have to agree with them, its the same concept as staying single when getting in recovery.

There are really GREAT reasons to stay out of a relationship and keep the focus on your recovery in the first year.... Trust me when I say that you will not be the same person in a year as you are today.... extreems seem to draw people together. Im sure you have heard of people that meet each other in extreem circumstances, marriage problems, death etc..... and they connect?? I like to think of those people being angels that God brings into my life for the "moment"... people that make a huge impact for that period in time.... but are gone when the "the extreem whatever" is over. I have had many people like that in my life, and for me they were the world when it was happening, but it would/could never have lasted. Some people are with us for a reason, some a season but some are with us for a life time. Most of the people that come into my life during a extreem time are just there for a reason...... some a season, but today I do not share a lifetime with any of them.

Before I could be in a healthy relationship, not only did I have to become healthy (and it did not happen in my first few years of recovery) but I had to allow enough time for me to grow into the person I wanted to become. That takes alot of time and work, sure many times I was attracted and "connected to" a man ... and some I did date with horrible results. Today I respect myself and the man I will marry enough to put my recover on the front burnner..... if my sponsor is advising something, I really listen today because there is usually something very important being said.