Tiburon,
I don't think you're a bad person, or a weak person. I think you're sick. You're sick just like I was. And I think that sickness clouded my thinking to the point where I had resigned myself to accepting my fate and dying an alcoholic death.
But then it got unbearable for me. Drinking or not drinking had the same result. It was all painful and unbearable.
I was at the point where I had nothing to lose by trying something different. There is a certain amount of freedom in having nothing left to lose (no Kristofferson jokes please). I reached out to someone in whom the problem had been solved, I followed directions, and I recovered from that seemingly hopeless condition.
If you're willing to do the same as I did, I'm sure you can recover and look back on this time with amusement.
Are you willing?