[brokenhalo]

what are the experiences for alcoholics who are in recovery who are still together with a significant otherr who attends alanon? i ask this because our relationship was tumultous, and i know a great deal of it had to do with my drinking; however, when i ask her what she hopes to get from it (even though i encouraged it and asked her to go), she says "i'm going to learn how to deal with your crap". in addition to this, she has already used it as a victim card to justify her abusive behaviors. for those of you in alanon, is this the way it works. if the relationship was mutually abusive, is alanon a means of avoiding responsibility, and shifting the entire weight of the dysfunction onto the alcoholic. in truth, i want to meet her at a center and in mutual respect, but according to comments, more ammunition is being built up against me. does that make sense? am i being fair in my fears? am i being fair even expressing fear since I am the loley alcoholic?

i truly want to maintain my sobriety and rebuild my integrity, and i want to eventually work things out with her. what i don't want is to be in constant defense of myself. based on our past together, this is what i have in store. is my thinking twisted about this. i don't mind being called out on this, because i really want a clean and healthy perspective on all of this. if i didn't make sense, please ask and i will try to clarify anything.

regardless, i'm excited for her, because i want her to heal from the relationship as i want it for myself. if at the end of step work we are incompatible, then i hope we can both accept it. thank you in advance for any responses and input.

sincerely,

bh