[cassandra2]

I am gonna try a little tough love here. Not wanting to come off as being mean or anything but the way I "hear" it is that YOU have resentments towards your wife for leaving you???? Am I right? You said that you cant give your heart back to your wife. Why?

Not really sure but you indicated that she left because of your drinking? If that is true then I believe that that is what you are struggling with. She left you. That was painful. Still is. Getting back together with her would be hard anyway you slice it. You would have to work at it. You would have to reexpose all of those painful feelings which is why possibly it is so appealing to start fresh with someone NEW.....

I really think you should do some deep soul searching and figure out why you still have resentments towards your wife. It will be hard work but it will be worth it.

This is just my opinion but I really think that you should also do some soul searching about this other woman. I see potential red flags as far as this relationship goes. Its long distance and you havent met face to face? How do you know that she is really whom she claims to be? Are you willing to jepordize your sobriety if things get hairy in this new relationship (you mentioned she was suicidal previously)?

Have you thought about the long term aspects of this new relationship? Like will you move to be near her or will she have to move to be near you? Is she stable in her own mental health? Are you really in a healthy relationship even though you are still married? How does she feel about you still being married? I know these are all tough questions but they need to be brought to the table to be able to honestly find the answer you are looking for.

I am NOT trying to sound mean or come off as a know it all or anything like that. You are so NEW in your own sobriety that what you claim as love could really be lust or like at this stage in the game. Also, your resentments towards your wife are still kind of evident and maybe that is another reason you are leaning towards this other woman...

I believe that the reason AA or NA recommends no new relationships in the first year is because of some of the questions I posed to you.

I really would hate to see you brush off your wife end up divorced and then realize that maybe your feelings for this woman were NOT as intense as you thought. And now it is too late to try and salvage a marriage with a woman that you obviously still love.....