[Gypsy Feet]

Hi=) I just got back from up north again, and I am emotionally drained. Amy, I never asked her about the contest ( I didn't want to give it any more "weight"). I did jump into her hoop before I left Saturday and found myself giving her job hunting "suggestions", all the while trying to reign in my mouth (progress, not perfection).

After the "probation" thing at work, I really wanted to take off for some me time. The (ex) did some of his helpless stuff, which both got me to delay my trip for a day so he didn't feel abandoned, and pi$$ed me off that I fell for it. He then refused my calls this weekend, and I came home to an empty 12 pack of heiniken. . .

I hung out with my old high school buddy for the second trip, and I find myself fighting off a fairly voracious crush. It's nice to spend time with him and get the twitterpated feeling, but I'm in no position to start anything.

I swam in the ocean, and 2 pods of dolphins graced me by swimming magnificently close and taking their time about it.

As I was saying good night to my friend, I looked up and in the sky were thousands of stars. We have none above my house. They brought tears to my eyes. I went out back, laid on a weight bench with a blanket, and just thanked god, the universe, and life for the breath takingly beautiful display.

I am in tears (again) from the "ask God for what you ant and need" post. I feel so blessed to have my sobriety, and to have found you all. I am so grateful for a job, and a place to live. I spent my whole trip back down fighting to accept where I am today. It hurts to want. . .

The last "wish" I every made was on my birthday cake 10 years ago. My wish was "I am so happy, please just let everything stay this way". 2 months later my "almost" son died (10 years ago July 30). I don't make wishes anymore.

I "try" to pray for things to help along my recovery path.

I have yet to master the fine line between living in the now, and desperately wanting to move on.