[cassandra2]

Trust after a relapse is soooo hard to rebuild. When my RA relapsed I wasnt surprised. I could see it coming.

Now trust is a daily issue. The first month or so I would ALWAYS think the worst. FEAR became my enemy and daily I would have to stop and say "he is gonna do what he is gonna do". I also felt as if I had to just watch. He got a job and started working right after his relapse and his first paycheck was a real hard time. But I told myself that I could make this about him or I could make it about me.

I worked REALLY hard to mind my own business and NOT EVEN think about it. Trust the process. Trust myself to know the truth. He passed and even gave me money to help out (we currently are not living together).

But I see with each day I am learning the art of NOT being so INVOLVED in another persons business. Trust in the relationship will come with time. THe wounds of the addiction and relapse need to heal. Once the wounds started to heal for me I was much more able to trust myself and know that either way I was gonna be ok.

Fast forward to today and I feel that trust is being rebuild in the relationship little by little. His actions are speaking that he is clean and trying to make an HONEST living. His actions are backing up his words but that took TIME and it will continue to take time but I can see that it is returning. My first instinct is no longer FEAR but ACCEPTANCE to what will be. Takes alot of pressure off of thinking that you dont trust someone so close to you.