[Astro]

Hi sarryan, I'm sorry you're struggling but it's good to hear that you're working on it and attending meetings. My weekly CoDA group is a blessing in my recovery, I hope you find it helpful.

I posted this on another thread, this is a little bit about my experience with depression and anxiety, it sounds like you're having racing thoughts that are getting you down.........

I never considered depression to be an issue for me, but I could certainly see it in my father and older brother. Sobering up opened my eyes to my own depression issues though.

As soon as I moved away from my kids and ex I felt swallowed up by darkness, loneliness, and sadness. My days went like this......

* Wake up, force myself to shower, shave, brush teeth, and look half-way human. Then sit on the sofa and stare blankly out my apartment window until it was time to take my kids to school.

* Go to work. Yay! Even though I didn't feel great my coworkers would cheer me up with jokes and conversation.

* Maybe go to an AA meeting. That would lift my spirits but I'd leave quickly after the meeting so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone.

* Back to the apartment. Lie in bed, watch the ceiling fan spin, sink into depression and sad thoughts. My life sucked.

What helped me was to see a wellness professional for therapy, he got me on a med (SSRI) and helped me think about what things really made me happy, then I focused on doing those things as much as possible. AA meetings, walks, bike rides, sunshine, I dove into those activities and still keep at it, 4 years later.

Please seek some professional help, it can make a world of difference.