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EnoughisEnough7 · 07-09-2009, 04:59 PM

From personal experience, going to a counselor not trained in addiction was a huge mistake and in the end created far more problems and resentments. Since my husband initiated the contact, I don't think the counselor wanted to offend him as she felt he would walk out and she would lose a paying client. Please remember they are getting paid for that time - and discourages them from doing the right thing - sending you to a counselor with addiction training.

The last thing an alcoholic needs is someone else giving them "excuses" to drink - such as 'bad' childhood ...etc. Alcoholics come up with enough excuses on their own without someone feeding them more. Most people have some type of trauma in their lives and they don't end up alcoholics or addicts because of it. My background growing up was much, much more challenging and traumatic than my husband's ... his background was reasonably normal, but he was the one that became an alcoholic after years of abusing alcohol. He would find every excuse under the sun to drink... not enough sleep, someone at work being uncooperative ...same kind of problems everyone else had, but to him these issues just gave him another excuse to drink.

My AH swore he wasn't drinking when he went to a marriage counselor ... and I believe that he just wanted someone else to blame (me) for his problems once again - to divert attention from his alcohol issues. It turned out he was secretly drinking, and wasting our time and money when what he needed to do was stop finding excuses to drink and face his addiction. It doesn't seem like your counselor is asking her client, your husband, to look closer at his own issues-and is jumping on his band wagon trying to find someone else to blame to his self destructive behavior. Someone actively addicted should be working on their addiction issues with someone that can see through the manipulation that is classic with alcohol abuse ... and focus on the kind of issues known to make long term improvement in their quality of life.

Someone in a relationship with an alcoholic has enough challenges without having an untrained counselor misdirecting blame and giving the alcoholic more false excuses to justify drinking.

07-09-2009, 04:59 PM	#9 (permalink)
EnoughisEnough7 Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 43	From personal experience, going to a counselor not trained in addiction was a huge mistake and in the end created far more problems and resentments. Since my husband initiated the contact, I don't think the counselor wanted to offend him as she felt he would walk out and she would lose a paying client. Please remember they are getting paid for that time - and discourages them from doing the right thing - sending you to a counselor with addiction training. The last thing an alcoholic needs is someone else giving them "excuses" to drink - such as 'bad' childhood ...etc. Alcoholics come up with enough excuses on their own without someone feeding them more. Most people have some type of trauma in their lives and they don't end up alcoholics or addicts because of it. My background growing up was much, much more challenging and traumatic than my husband's ... his background was reasonably normal, but he was the one that became an alcoholic after years of abusing alcohol. He would find every excuse under the sun to drink... not enough sleep, someone at work being uncooperative ...same kind of problems everyone else had, but to him these issues just gave him another excuse to drink. My AH swore he wasn't drinking when he went to a marriage counselor ... and I believe that he just wanted someone else to blame (me) for his problems once again - to divert attention from his alcohol issues. It turned out he was secretly drinking, and wasting our time and money when what he needed to do was stop finding excuses to drink and face his addiction. It doesn't seem like your counselor is asking her client, your husband, to look closer at his own issues-and is jumping on his band wagon trying to find someone else to blame to his self destructive behavior. Someone actively addicted should be working on their addiction issues with someone that can see through the manipulation that is classic with alcohol abuse ... and focus on the kind of issues known to make long term improvement in their quality of life. Someone in a relationship with an alcoholic has enough challenges without having an untrained counselor misdirecting blame and giving the alcoholic more false excuses to justify drinking.