[Ago]

I agree with LTD to find another therapist that YOU trust

I will however, point out that the one thing therapists and sponsors do is:

This past week she was grilling me

Get used to that if you really want to get into recovery, searching and fearless aren't idle words if you decide to go into recovery.

The focus will be on you, but this therapist will get nowhere with you unless she earns your trust, I am not saying this therapist is "wrong" or even "right", I do think she is a bit "unskilled" as she has alienated you so rapidly and it may behoove you to find your own therapist that will build some trust with you before she starts in the deep work and you don't feel "ambushed" and "ganged up on".

I suspect that this next quote is not exactly what was said in your session, I suspect she was just trying to get you to see that a relationship has, in fact two parts, as in It takes two to Tango, and I suspect she was just trying to get you to see "your part" albeit she moved a bit fast IMO:

now that he's stopped actively drinking, the root of every other problem is me.

But I know it can feel that way when you get "ambushed" and feel "ganged up on", which is why I suggest finding a therapist WITH experience with codependency, alcoholism etc that YOU feel comfortable with.

I actually have a TON of experience with this dynamic, both with myself and sponsees, nothing worse then going to a therapy session expecting to hear about how "someone else" is "the problem", that he is the sick one that REALLY needs "help", not you, and suddenly the therapist pulls out the big blinding searchlight of "The mirror of your soul" and exposes your every issue to scrutiny.

It's pretty uncomfortable.

he's not going to AA or in any way dealing with his alcohol abuse

Doesn't going to a therapist qualify with dealing with his Alcohol Abuse?

I actually went to both AA and therapy, but how does that not fit your criteria for "dealing with his alcohol abuse"?