Hey Shea ...
First question ... are we just talking about 6 months total in your life you've been taking opioids? And how much, and what, have you been taking during the time you've been on them.
2nd question: I'm curious, why does switching from pills to the patch sound like such a bad idea to you? If you use them properly, they actually aren't that bad an option ... fentanyl isn't particularly euphoric, esp. in patch form. I mean, assuming you have terrible pain and legitimately need opioids, they strike me as a reasonable compromise.
One last point ... a prior history of alcohol abuse, or of course being an alcoholic, makes taking opioid pain killers EXTREMELY risky. I can't even TELL you how many times I've heard alcoholics in 'the rooms' say that they relapsed because of prescription pain killers, either going on to become addicted to opioids, or back on the sauce, or both.
So try not to feel too bad about what's gone down here. It happens, A LOT, and the fact is you are, in all likelihood, genetically PREDISPOSED to problems with alcohol and opioids (these problems really go hand in hand, perhaps more than any other combination of drugs out there), it's not because you're a bad guy/gal.
This being said, what do YOU think you need to do about this issue? What does your actively addicted mind tell you is 'a good plan' here? Just curious
