SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Higher Powerless And Proud Of It... Now What?

e4r5t6 · 07-07-2009, 08:01 AM

After six months of sobriety went to a new AA meeting last night. It was small, three other guys and much more of a dialogue than the usual one-way sharing. At this meeting they work through the Big Book, finding instructions, and ask everyone "Have you... or "Are you ready to...
I liked the format because it forces you to confront the key issues.
In my case, "Are you ready to turn your life over to a higher power?"
I went into my now-standard explanation that I believe there is no God and yet I accept the fact I have not been able to and cannot get sober on my own, therefore there is something outside of me that I need. I have found the strength, hope and experience bit useful, and certainly a lot of practical advice from experienced sober people.
But this "higher power" verbiage really troubled me as a conflict with my basic, considered belief.
When I got home, still thinking about this, my sponsor, a good man who is a believer, had sent me an email suggesting that I read pages 44-50.
Trying to be a good soldier, I tried to read it.
That was when I hit the wall.
I realized that section on "We agnostics" is semantic smoke and mirrors, a thinly disguised and phony attempt to entice someone into the possibility of a God and thence to conversion.
Everything that follows, the discussion of a Creator, the framing of "as we understood him" -- all that dancing around comes back to you have to believe in some spirit being.
"That power, which is God"
Bullshit
I am not a doubter. I have concluded there is no God and I'm sure of it.
I really do think that human intelligence is the last word, the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end, and there is nothing vain about that.
It is simply an objective evaluation of the evidence. Just read "The God Delusion."
I used to find the wording in the Big Book quaint, sort of like reading an ancient text explaining why the earth is flat.
Now I find it sinister.
I am trying not to put the Big Book in the category of one more Christian conversion conspiracy, but it's hard.
---
OK. Deep breath.
---
I know AA works for many and has worked for me.
I now have to sift through what is going on and find the mechanism that will continue to work for me.
As I said to the guys last night, Yes, I admit there is value in the advice, experience, stories and identity I get from AA meetings. However, nothing is going to happen except through decisions and choices I make.
I can't "turn it over to God" because there is no God.
This is not ego, this is intelligence, mine and yours.
I came to believe there is no God after long study, careful thought and years of consideration.
This Big Book charade about "higher power" is just linguistic legerdemain leading to "God."
I don't "think" I'm an atheist. The Big Book authors are like those gay-deniers who want to convert gay people thinking they are just misguided, rather than innately, born, gay.
My "faith" is in my ability to learn and model behavior and, yes, take control.
I deny, therefore, the fundamental basis of the Big Book. I reject it.
But I continue to think that within the steps and within AA are a process that leads to a logical and emotional experience that can create and maintain sobriety.
Call it a spiritual awakening if you will, just not a conversion experience.
I think it may be an awakening of self understanding.
Clearly something happens and alcoholics undergo a dramatic change which allows them to sober up and stay sober.
For now, I will stick with the term "spiritual awakening," trying to define that until something better comes along.
Today I am going to contact a couple of the atheists in my usual group and have a deeper discussion. It may be that my current sponsor, good as he
is, can never give me good counsel.
Most believers are lost if you don't buy what they are selling because that's where they get all their answers.
Are there any good books like the Big Book only God-free?
Any suggestions?

07-07-2009, 08:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
e4r5t6 Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 58	Higher Powerless And Proud Of It... Now What? After six months of sobriety went to a new AA meeting last night. It was small, three other guys and much more of a dialogue than the usual one-way sharing. At this meeting they work through the Big Book, finding instructions, and ask everyone "Have you... or "Are you ready to... I liked the format because it forces you to confront the key issues. In my case, "Are you ready to turn your life over to a higher power?" I went into my now-standard explanation that I believe there is no God and yet I accept the fact I have not been able to and cannot get sober on my own, therefore there is something outside of me that I need. I have found the strength, hope and experience bit useful, and certainly a lot of practical advice from experienced sober people. But this "higher power" verbiage really troubled me as a conflict with my basic, considered belief. When I got home, still thinking about this, my sponsor, a good man who is a believer, had sent me an email suggesting that I read pages 44-50. Trying to be a good soldier, I tried to read it. That was when I hit the wall. I realized that section on "We agnostics" is semantic smoke and mirrors, a thinly disguised and phony attempt to entice someone into the possibility of a God and thence to conversion. Everything that follows, the discussion of a Creator, the framing of "as we understood him" -- all that dancing around comes back to you have to believe in some spirit being. "That power, which is God" Bullshit I am not a doubter. I have concluded there is no God and I'm sure of it. I really do think that human intelligence is the last word, the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end, and there is nothing vain about that. It is simply an objective evaluation of the evidence. Just read "The God Delusion." I used to find the wording in the Big Book quaint, sort of like reading an ancient text explaining why the earth is flat. Now I find it sinister. I am trying not to put the Big Book in the category of one more Christian conversion conspiracy, but it's hard. --- OK. Deep breath. --- I know AA works for many and has worked for me. I now have to sift through what is going on and find the mechanism that will continue to work for me. As I said to the guys last night, Yes, I admit there is value in the advice, experience, stories and identity I get from AA meetings. However, nothing is going to happen except through decisions and choices I make. I can't "turn it over to God" because there is no God. This is not ego, this is intelligence, mine and yours. I came to believe there is no God after long study, careful thought and years of consideration. This Big Book charade about "higher power" is just linguistic legerdemain leading to "God." I don't "think" I'm an atheist. The Big Book authors are like those gay-deniers who want to convert gay people thinking they are just misguided, rather than innately, born, gay. My "faith" is in my ability to learn and model behavior and, yes, take control. I deny, therefore, the fundamental basis of the Big Book. I reject it. But I continue to think that within the steps and within AA are a process that leads to a logical and emotional experience that can create and maintain sobriety. Call it a spiritual awakening if you will, just not a conversion experience. I think it may be an awakening of self understanding. Clearly something happens and alcoholics undergo a dramatic change which allows them to sober up and stay sober. For now, I will stick with the term "spiritual awakening," trying to define that until something better comes along. Today I am going to contact a couple of the atheists in my usual group and have a deeper discussion. It may be that my current sponsor, good as he is, can never give me good counsel. Most believers are lost if you don't buy what they are selling because that's where they get all their answers. Are there any good books like the Big Book only God-free? Any suggestions?