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Originally Posted by Freedom1990  Is it anger, or resentment? Anger is an emotion directed at the moment. Resentment is like the replay tape at a football game...you play a prior event over and over in your head. The more you replay it, the more resentful you get.
For me, anger usually masks one of two emotions...fear or pain. |
Wow - never really dissected the two - for me, anger DOES stem from fear or pain. If I become 'angry' instead of a crying pile of a mess somehow that makes me feel 'stronger' or more intolerable of his actions.
Just as abs said though - eventually it creeps into all aspects of my life to some degree. I become more 'snappy' with people. Just like yesterday - my dd got an ice cream sundae on the lake. It was suppose to have chocolate ice cream, like the sign said. It had vanilla and whipped cream. She doesn't like either. There was a huge line. I thought If I picked off the whipped cream and mixed the vanilla with the chocolate syrup and brownie it would be ok. It didn't mix right and the brownie was HARD as a rock. dd said, that's ok mommy I don't need anything. I stood in line, still trying to mix it. By the time I got back up to the counter it was a runny mess. I explained that it was suppose to have chocolate ice cream etc. It was $3.50. I asked could she just have a plain chocolate in a bowl (It was $1.50 - I didn't want any $ back, just to swap it out). She said sure, took the sundae, threw it away, got the chocolate and said $1.50. I said what? She didn't even eat much of it and it was not right in the first place. "I'm sorry, $1.50." I had no $ on me as it was in the boat and I just gave it back to her. She said something to me and I of course spout back. I had a right to be upset, but had I just been a 'normal' person out on the 5th of july, boating on the lake with her family without all of this bs I probably wouldn't have been so quick tempered and would have handled things better.
I've also noticed that anger/resentment not only ages me, but makes me so unmotivated, depressed and I have ZERO energy. I also find that I'm not only resentful of H, but also almost equally as much with myself. For tolerating, putting up with etc. I KNOW better than to deal with what I've dealt with. I would be the FIRST in line to tear apart someone who did to a loved one what my H has done to me. My bff is astounded that I've tolerated so much.
Cass - I've also noticed that even in recovery my H didn't live up to what I expected. I didn't expect anything above and beyond. I expected nothing more than any normal wife would expect out of her H. I still feel like my H was capable of doing it, but he didn't. Whether he was or wasn't capable - he didn't do it. Simple things like doing things around the house, not sleeping all day, mowing the lawn etc. Plain and simple fact is he didn't do it. Doesn't matter the reason really. But it led to even MORE anger and resentment if it's possible. So whether in addiction or recovery, it's very hard. Harder than most of America imagines, because most of the general population has no idea about addiction. Never thought I would.