[twistedruby]

I can only drop in here and there to check any replies...so please don't think I'm rude if I don't come back to reply right away.

Too long a story for now but my AH's drinking has slacked off a bit, however he has been very depressed and angry for many years now.
He refuses to go get help and just talk to someone.
Knows his anti-depressant isn't working anymore but won't make an appt. with his Dr. to change it.
When he sees our family Dr.....he apparently says everything is fine.....

(I tried this last Wed. to bring our Dr. up to speed as much as I could in 15 - 20 minutes.....but he doesn't grasp the gravity of the situation.
AH recently lost his Harley .....long story, but a cousin of his who owns a bike shop did something I could never do to a relative of mine.
The Harley is now sold to someone else.)


I am so sick of watching him self-destruct in slow motion .
Our financial situation isn't the usual.
He has no income by choice....should be getting disability from the Army but won't pursue it.
I pay the bills with my income.
Our house is from my divorce from my ex.
No kids.

I don't want AH to leave.....I just want him to get help and feel better about himself....and also go to AA.
His self esteem is in the dirt and self-loathing is off the scale for disastrous financial decisions he's made in the past.
It is destroying me to see this....I don't feel like I have a life at all.
And that also makes me very angry.
Our house is a domestic disaster.....all I can guess is that is how my anger has come out over the last several years....not re: cleanliness....just clutter and Stuff everywhere.
Not an excuse...just an explanation.

Oh God...there is so much more than this.......

I think being a survivor is partly genetic.
My immediate family is gone.
Parents passed on in 2000 and 2002, but my one sibling was killed instantly by a drunk driver in 2003.
He never married and had no kids.
I got help from a victim advocate at MADD at the time.....and it made a huge difference in dealing with that.
(MADD has changed since then.....they have skeletonized it)

My point is I do NOT understand AH marinating in misery by choice for so long....

And it has made me VERY ANGRY at him for refusing to do anything that would help his attitude....or drinking...which has oddly dropped off some....but he still needs AA.

Me taking anger management won't change him any....but I thought it would help me to control my reaction to everything.

I wondered if anyone here has taken it and found that it helped them to deal more rationally with a situation instead of wanting to smack AH/AW/ABF/AGF in the head with a shovel.


Yeah...that should be funny.....but not so much right now.

I'm 56 and my blood pressure doesn't need this Crap.