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riaerif · 07-04-2009, 11:21 AM

I thought this was only for addicts/alcoholics in recovery and today I actually slowed down and read and saw it was for everyone so... here I am.

My mom's an addict.

The other day I realized just how far I've fallen away from who I think I used to be.

I told myself, as an ACOA, this was the only way I ever knew how to be.

Then I remembered some things from the very beginning (when I was in high school) and I thought, "Hey! I used to be normal!" Whatever normal is, right?

I used to be smart about things. I used to have dreams and goals that never involved her or how she fit in. I used to not put up with her excuses on things that directly affected me. I used to be confident. I used to not apologize for looking out for myself.

I don't know when that changed, but I want it back. I just don't know how. It's been so long since I've been that person. Maybe I'll never find myself again.

Now I'm the addict's daughter or the addict's keeper or the person the addict relies on. I don't want my identity to have anything to do with her anymore.

I want to leave her, but I don't want to do it to get back at her. Right now that's all it would be.

I want to leave her because it's a good move for ME, not a way to punish HER.

I don't know if I can do it.

07-04-2009, 11:21 AM	#1 (permalink)
riaerif Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Maumee, OH Posts: 68 Blog Entries: 5	I don't know how to be just me I thought this was only for addicts/alcoholics in recovery and today I actually slowed down and read and saw it was for everyone so... here I am. My mom's an addict. The other day I realized just how far I've fallen away from who I think I used to be. I told myself, as an ACOA, this was the only way I ever knew how to be. Then I remembered some things from the very beginning (when I was in high school) and I thought, "Hey! I used to be normal!" Whatever normal is, right? I used to be smart about things. I used to have dreams and goals that never involved her or how she fit in. I used to not put up with her excuses on things that directly affected me. I used to be confident. I used to not apologize for looking out for myself. I don't know when that changed, but I want it back. I just don't know how. It's been so long since I've been that person. Maybe I'll never find myself again. Now I'm the addict's daughter or the addict's keeper or the person the addict relies on. I don't want my identity to have anything to do with her anymore. I want to leave her, but I don't want to do it to get back at her. Right now that's all it would be. I want to leave her because it's a good move for ME, not a way to punish HER. I don't know if I can do it.