| Getting through holidays is the WORST!
First, let me preface this by saying holidays are the WORST for me. I spend every single one sitting in this house with big plans to go through stuff and donate it, sell it on Ebay, toss it, etc. I just never get around to it, but maybe today I will. I also sit and ruminate/steam over all of the big plans my former "whatever he was" has going on while I have none. I think how I've wasted THREE YEARS of my life like this and it makes me even more angry.
I feel like I've really become destabilized in this past week. By this I mean I drank again and have messed up on my meds. Throw in today and all of the anger I am feeling and I just want to get through today in one piece without going off the deep end.
To this end, I am going to really try to keep it together and not do anything stupid. I will check in here and read. I am going to try to do some good baby steps to advance my cause. I WILL take my meds even though I have, once again, screwed up on them. I am keeping my eye on Wed night aftercare wherein I FINALLY speak my truth. I am tired of being the crazy, alcoholic victim who changes this guy's name in conversation to protect him, as the rehab people know who he is and he knows them. And that's a whole other story and I will just leave it at that.
If anyone would like to share how they have gotten through holidays alone, that would be great and thanks for letting me have a place to write this.
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