[beginner]

I think you need to be honest with yourself. What is the purpose of your writing a letter, really?

It is really hard to let go and it is really hard to stop wanting to change them. I think everything you said in your phone conversation was fantastic. I admire your strength and how you stood your ground without criticising or being pulled in to an argument. To be honest, I think that's all you need to say to him.

I understand your anger and your need to express it to him, so writing letters to him without sending/delivering them to him may really help to get your feelings out. It seems to me that it's all that you really need to do.

In saying that, I think writing a final letter is valuable. But writing that kind of letter in anger is not helpful - any words you write will be tainted with feelings you have right now. To me, writing a final letter is when you have been able to let go of the situation and him and your feelings have cooled sufficiently that you are able to write all the things you need to say - perhaps about the ways he has hurt you, and what you wish he would realise or the potential you see in him and for his life, etc. To me, it is a letter that is honest without blame or criticism, that genuinely wishes the best for that person, therefore confronting them with the hurt they have caused you and the pain they are causing themselves. Unfortunately, it will no doubt fall on deaf ears - but maybe one day he might come to his senses, and remember your final words to him and it will help him in his recovery to face up to the pain he has caused.