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Blondie · 07-03-2009, 12:32 PM

I am feeling great, and I am working on my self-esteem issues. Serenity is priceless! I'm trying to build self-esteem now because I NEVER had any to begin with. It is difficult, but it is one of my problems that I have humbly turned over to my higher power. Progress is slow, but there is progress in this area. I am getting so much better! I am convinced for me personally, it would have been almost impossible for me to REALLY start MY recovery living with my STXAH because I was so addicted to HIS problems and trying to "help" him 24/7.

I can see him for what he is now. He is a sick man. And since I have left he seems to be getting sicker a lot quicker (or maybe I just never noticed how sick he is). I called up our marriage therapist (stopped seeing him weeks ago) to thank him as he did help me to discover things about myself that I didn't know (helped with step 4). He did tell me that he can see I am determined to make a new life for myself and he can see I am strong and that I will be alright. I did ask if my STXAH was still seeing HIS therapist at the practice. The marriage therapist said that it was against the rules to tell me, but he said he wanted me to know that yes my STXAH did quit his individual therapy. He also stated that my STXAH is in deep denial and just will not take responsiblity at all. This was obvious to me, but to hear a professional psychologist say this was validation I suppose.

Last week my STXAH's friend died from liver disease (brought on by alcoholism) at the age of 45. My STXAH has tried to convince himself it was due to something else, but not the alcohol. My STXAH stated that the guy died because he stopped drinking all at once (he had been in rehab a few months ago) and that is what killed him. The denial is just insane. The guy was a yellow as school zone sign. Then my STXAH said: "yeah, but he was a REAL alcoholic."

Denial, denial, denial. I now realize how sick our relationship really was. I was in denial too and believed most of what he told me. I need to work on myself more so that I don't make the same mistake again. Now I know why in al-anon they tell you to wait a year before any major changes or new relationships should be entered into. I need to be mentally and spiritually healthy before I can start a life with someone else that is mentally and spiritually healthy.

07-03-2009, 12:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
Blondie Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Georgia Posts: 338	I Am Doing Better, but He is Sicker I am feeling great, and I am working on my self-esteem issues. Serenity is priceless! I'm trying to build self-esteem now because I NEVER had any to begin with. It is difficult, but it is one of my problems that I have humbly turned over to my higher power. Progress is slow, but there is progress in this area. I am getting so much better! I am convinced for me personally, it would have been almost impossible for me to REALLY start MY recovery living with my STXAH because I was so addicted to HIS problems and trying to "help" him 24/7. I can see him for what he is now. He is a sick man. And since I have left he seems to be getting sicker a lot quicker (or maybe I just never noticed how sick he is). I called up our marriage therapist (stopped seeing him weeks ago) to thank him as he did help me to discover things about myself that I didn't know (helped with step 4). He did tell me that he can see I am determined to make a new life for myself and he can see I am strong and that I will be alright. I did ask if my STXAH was still seeing HIS therapist at the practice. The marriage therapist said that it was against the rules to tell me, but he said he wanted me to know that yes my STXAH did quit his individual therapy. He also stated that my STXAH is in deep denial and just will not take responsiblity at all. This was obvious to me, but to hear a professional psychologist say this was validation I suppose. Last week my STXAH's friend died from liver disease (brought on by alcoholism) at the age of 45. My STXAH has tried to convince himself it was due to something else, but not the alcohol. My STXAH stated that the guy died because he stopped drinking all at once (he had been in rehab a few months ago) and that is what killed him. The denial is just insane. The guy was a yellow as school zone sign. Then my STXAH said: "yeah, but he was a REAL alcoholic." Denial, denial, denial. I now realize how sick our relationship really was. I was in denial too and believed most of what he told me. I need to work on myself more so that I don't make the same mistake again. Now I know why in al-anon they tell you to wait a year before any major changes or new relationships should be entered into. I need to be mentally and spiritually healthy before I can start a life with someone else that is mentally and spiritually healthy. __________________ Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.