SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - trying so hard = 9 days almost slipped (agian!)

keitheo · 07-02-2009, 11:40 PM

I've got 9 days sober, been trying on and off earnestly for the past 4 years to control my drinking (been drinking for 20+ almost daily). Denial has kept me from staying sober becuase I have a great career, beautiful family, awesome wife, yet I should have a million dui's, be dead (a couple times over form various idiotic drunk incidents), in jail (lack of judgement with drugs & alchol...), yet yet yet I'm a high bottom drunk?!?!?.

I almost skipped out of work today and took the ferry home so I could drink (they don't serve beer on the bus (lol)). I got half way to the ferry and and turned around (ate luch and felt better) becuase I listened to my cognitive brain that it would only be a mess later when my wife got home and she could tell I had drank (she get undertsandbly upset becuase I watch my 3 and 1/1/2 year old in the late afternoons after work.) The other day a fellow told me that his sponsor said that little voice telling you to do the right thing is your higher power, I'm starting to listen to it. I've gone to a meeting everyday the past 9 days and it's the only way I can keep it fresh enough in my memory that I can't drink otherwise I feel like a loser. Vicous cycle get drunk feel bad, sober for two days, get drunk, feel bad get sober for two days, .....story of my life.

07-02-2009, 11:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
keitheo Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: mill valley ca Posts: 3	trying so hard = 9 days almost slipped (agian!) I've got 9 days sober, been trying on and off earnestly for the past 4 years to control my drinking (been drinking for 20+ almost daily). Denial has kept me from staying sober becuase I have a great career, beautiful family, awesome wife, yet I should have a million dui's, be dead (a couple times over form various idiotic drunk incidents), in jail (lack of judgement with drugs & alchol...), yet yet yet I'm a high bottom drunk?!?!?. I almost skipped out of work today and took the ferry home so I could drink (they don't serve beer on the bus (lol)). I got half way to the ferry and and turned around (ate luch and felt better) becuase I listened to my cognitive brain that it would only be a mess later when my wife got home and she could tell I had drank (she get undertsandbly upset becuase I watch my 3 and 1/1/2 year old in the late afternoons after work.) The other day a fellow told me that his sponsor said that little voice telling you to do the right thing is your higher power, I'm starting to listen to it. I've gone to a meeting everyday the past 9 days and it's the only way I can keep it fresh enough in my memory that I can't drink otherwise I feel like a loser. Vicous cycle get drunk feel bad, sober for two days, get drunk, feel bad get sober for two days, .....story of my life.