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mentallyexh · 07-02-2009, 10:42 PM

I am feeling so completely confused at this moment....so lost, I feel like my insides are screaming, trying to make sense of all of this! The hurt is almost more than I can bear. Tonight he told me he wanted to seperate...and I believe he means it. He says that I have become someone who only knows hate, someone who only care about myself and the kids, someone who has "no room" in my life for him. I'll admit that my feelings for him at this moment are hard as a rock...my heart solid...with the occassionly feelings on longing for what isn't there. I wish I could just forget the past and move on with our relationship. How do you forget the hurts that cut like a knife? How do you forget the name calling, the mean and hateful arguements, the lack of support, the lack of happiness....how do you forget?? Several people on here keep asking me if this is how I want to spend the rest of my life? NO...I can say that, but I always hope it will change somehow, with some divine intervention he will wake up and say wow.....today is a new day and I love my family and want to be happy. And as always, I sit here feeling guilty because he is right, I am different......I am detached and cold, it is all I have left - the hurt has been to much. I want to feel warmth inside again, happiness, joy! And, if it were just me in this I could move on and maybe regain that, but my daughter....it is her I am hurting for. She is beautiful and amazing and just a baby....already seperated parents...wow...not quite what I expected, not that anything in the past year and a half have been what I expected. I wish I could figure out where I went so terribly wrong...where did I lost myself into something like this..and now where do I go from here?? Lots of questions, and few answers....day by day I guess....so as my AH put it tonight refering to my past marriage, "Well, congrats you are 0 and 2."

07-02-2009, 10:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
mentallyexh Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 57	Silently Screaming Inside.... I am feeling so completely confused at this moment....so lost, I feel like my insides are screaming, trying to make sense of all of this! The hurt is almost more than I can bear. Tonight he told me he wanted to seperate...and I believe he means it. He says that I have become someone who only knows hate, someone who only care about myself and the kids, someone who has "no room" in my life for him. I'll admit that my feelings for him at this moment are hard as a rock...my heart solid...with the occassionly feelings on longing for what isn't there. I wish I could just forget the past and move on with our relationship. How do you forget the hurts that cut like a knife? How do you forget the name calling, the mean and hateful arguements, the lack of support, the lack of happiness....how do you forget?? Several people on here keep asking me if this is how I want to spend the rest of my life? NO...I can say that, but I always hope it will change somehow, with some divine intervention he will wake up and say wow.....today is a new day and I love my family and want to be happy. And as always, I sit here feeling guilty because he is right, I am different......I am detached and cold, it is all I have left - the hurt has been to much. I want to feel warmth inside again, happiness, joy! And, if it were just me in this I could move on and maybe regain that, but my daughter....it is her I am hurting for. She is beautiful and amazing and just a baby....already seperated parents...wow...not quite what I expected, not that anything in the past year and a half have been what I expected. I wish I could figure out where I went so terribly wrong...where did I lost myself into something like this..and now where do I go from here?? Lots of questions, and few answers....day by day I guess....so as my AH put it tonight refering to my past marriage, "Well, congrats you are 0 and 2."