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I want his heart to hurt like mine does!!
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let's talk that out for a sec....so you are sitting there with a broken leg...and you want HIM to break HIS leg so he knows how YOU feel. does that in ANY way change what YOU feel, FIX your leg??? see we gotta learn to tend to our own feelings, deal with the hurts and the sadness, without looking to ANYBODY else to fix us.
your feelings are just that. YOUR feelings. your responsibility. nobody elses. that your heart hurts is NOT his problem. that you are affected by what he does is YOUR choice. you said....after 18 years.....by now nothing he does should really surprise you. he is who he is. and you are best DONE with him.
NO contact is an excellent choice. and that goes both ways....incoming and outgoing. no chatting it up, and then asking to talk to his gf. no more info from the church lady. NOW is the time to start being DONE. finalize it all. proceed with the divorce which will legally disconnect you. and truly TRULY get on with YOUR own life!!!!!