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Originally Posted by justsomeguy  Well I'm coming up on 3 weeks Sober. And I'm trying to figure out what is different this time than all the times before, what is going to make it work now. A thought came to me.
They say that Alcoholics are routinely very successful people, and very intelligent. We're often conflicted by our own sense of achievements. We feel that we can conquer any obstacle. We can be very stubborn with this, and this is often what makes us think "this time" we have it beat.
I've been to AA a few times, I've quit drinking more times than I can count and I've read about alcoholism online and in the Big Book for more hours than I know.
For a very long time I have known that if I start drinking again, even one drink I will spiral out of control.
I knew it, but it didn't stop me. I would still play mind games with myself; I did not want to accept it, even though I KNEW what would happen.
I hope the difference this time is that I have accepted it. I have learned, not that it's a fight I can't win, but that it's a game that I don't want to play.
I have accepted that in order to have a normal life Alcohol will never be part of it again. I always knew this was the only way, but I realize now I wasn't accepting it.
The trick is I have to accept it every day. So far, so good. One day at a time.
Like my last post, I just wanted to put this out here to the world for my own well being and hope it might help someone else as well. |
I can very much identify with this. This time around, I seem more at peace about life in general. I'm just tired of fighting. That includes the ongoing "battle" of whose "program" is better. Who cares. If carrying a marble in your pocket all of the time for some reason helps keep you from drinking (never really tried this method!!) then go with the marble program.
That said I think there is something to be said for the "healing" process working the steps helps with. However this same healing can be achieved through working with a theripist instead of a sponsor, if that works better for you. I am trying to work on my "selfish" behavior, but one area where I will continue to be completely selfish is my "recovery". I will take what I need and leave the rest behind, whether from AA/NA, SMART, my theripist, SR, whatever. I'm in this for me. If I can help another along the way, that is a plesant side effect, but not a means to the end.