Originally Posted by
IO Storm 
The AA 12X12 says that to discuss anyone even when trying to be helpful when they are not present amounts to character assasination.
I hear what you are saying, and the twelfth tradition actually merits it's own thread IMO.
I was actually reading my 12 X 12 when I saw this, and was thinking about character assassination, what it says is this:
Self righteous anger can also be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority. Gossip, barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has it's satisfactions for us too. Here we are not trying to help those we are criticizing: we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness.
Of course it depends on us and our motives, I frequently get phone calls, "Hey, call your sponsee/friend etc. they are having a hard time" without the person divulging the details.
Gossip is different then "I am worried about _____" in my opinion.
once again, my rule of thumb is:
We families of Alcoholics Anonymous keep few skeletons in the closet. Everyone knows about the others' alcoholic troubles. This is a condition which, in ordinary life, would produce untold grief; there might be scandalous gossip, laughter at the expense of other people, and a tendency to take advantage of intimate information. Among us, these are rare occurrences. We do talk about each other a great deal, but we almost invariably temper such talk by a spirit of love and tolerance.
Another principle we observe carefully is that we do not relate intimate experiences of another person unless we are sure he would approve. We find it better, when possible, to stick to our own stories. A man may criticize to laugh at himself and it will affect others favorably, but criticism or ridicule coming from another often produce the contrary effect. Members of a family should watch such matters carefully, for one careless, inconsiderate remark has been known to raise the very devil. We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.
If you and I were "real life" "fellowship" or even not, I would absolutely want to get the phone call, "Hey, Trucker is not doing well, give him a call"
It would be a loved based decision and action following a love based decision and action. Of course my friends are discerning enough to not call me with "Trucker is having a bad day and is b1tching like a red headed step child", there is a difference.
Anonymity IS the foundation and as such merits it's own thread/discussion in and of itself.
BB 1st ed et all 12 x 12