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Yeah, i'm gonna wait some time. been talking to mattcake, and I need some work on my self esteem. There are thigns i shouldn't be worried about, but I am. I'm not a heavy person (5' 9" 173 pounds), but I have a gut. I wish the gut was gone, so i could look better, thus feel better. I'm also breaking out with acne because of some of the meds i take and the stress Im under.
These aren't serious things, but i want to work on them before i start approaching men, even though i'm sure I can find a man who'll like me the way I am. If i must say, i look good. lol
The real reason i'm staying single for now goes back to what i mentioned in my first post. I want to change my behaviors. I'm not really missing the relationship part of being with a man, I just want sex. And that's probably because im still a recovering addict, i want to instant gratification without all the other intimate moments or communication.
I told myself that if I got sober, I would stop having sex outside of a relationships. It just reminds me too much of addict behavior to be having sexz with random guys, even if i'm sober. And knowing me and the guys i meet, i'll end up relapsing. So i'm celibate now i guess.
I mean, I'm 23 years old, and still in the closet. I have plenty of time to be in a relationship. I'm just gonna focus on my sobriety for now because i almost lost it last night when I was looking at my bottle of Valium, and wanted to take like ten of them. Instead I took extra lithium and geodon to help me sleep. So I still did wrong, but I didn't get high or buzzed. But im beginning the wrong behavior again, so it's important to focus on my sobriety for now because I feel like i'm losing it. I just don't feel happy sober. but if my memory serves me correct, I wasn't happy drunk/high. I'm 47 days clean today.
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