[unholy_mess]

but tonight I freaked out and cut again. For the first time in...god knows how long. Almost a year. And I know it doesn't erase the whole almost year I had of not cutting but it just feels like a total failure, you know? It's not bad, not deep or even in the remotest sense life-threatening. I was very clean and safe (haha I'm well practiced at this and know how to do it safely...which is both fortunate and sad).
Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because I just had to get it out of me and onto "paper." The longer it's in me, the worse I feel, the more it festers, etc. You're as sick as your secrets. So I wanted to get it out.
So...it happened. It sucks that it did. But I can only move on from here. So, that's what I'm going to do. I just got overwhelmed and resorted to my most basic coping mechanism. Next time, I hope I can do better and try to find a more appropriate and safe way to deal with my feelings. As much as I want to, I'm not going to beat myself up over this because it won't do anything but make me feel worse. And feeling worse is NOT the way to handle this.
Ok that's that. Thanks for listening and being the ears (eyes) to hear what I need to be heard (seen).