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(((twopz))).....I can so relate to your pain. I couldn't deal with it and ended up divorcing. I admire that you are committed to the path you are on and finding a way to make it work. Have you been to Alanon? It has helped me to bring the focus back on me, and to heal some of those same hurts you have.
I also read Melody Beattie's "The language of Letting Go". It's a daily reading book and I've found it almost always speaks to my need for the day. Just a couple suggestions.
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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.~Dr. Suess |