[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by RockyGirl

Hi Clay

you've been helping me so much recently with my problems that I thought i'd share with you.

I am generally hetrosexual and have had six different sexual partners that started from the age of 14. to be perfectly honest sex has never really 'worked' for me...I always seem to feel more lost and empty afterwards than I did before but that's just me...not trying to put you off.

I think if you have low confidence people tend to avoid you because they don't know what to say to you and since low self-esteem/confidence isn't something that just flutters away with the butterflys (unfortunately) we are stuck with it...until such a time that we can start to overcome it...although to be honest I think a portion of it will stay with us forever (not trying to be pessimistic it's just what i've observed from friends and family members who are older than me)

I think low self-esteem can leave us completely because I've had at least one time for a few months in my life where I was a lot more confident, it's just getting back to that has been very difficult, and it almost seems impossible. How do you build confidence? That's why I need to lose a lot of weight, though my dad says he could go out and get a bunch of numbers with my body. It's mostly just embarrassing and depressing to be a virgin still at this age and I'm not sure what women my age think about that.

Have you tried meeting people with similar problems to yourself? I often find that I find it easier to communicate with people who have similar problems to myself because then I can identify with them and we can comfort each other in any times of need.

I'm going to a mental health support group this Friday, but I doubt I'm going to meet other men my age in my situation. There are really no unintentional virgin groups out there. And to me it is a different thing if a woman is still a virgin by this age, it makes more sense and it's seen as less of a social gaffe. If you have any suggestions for how I can find these other men, let me know. Though I don't know if it'll really help to know there are others out there suffering in the same situation. It doesn't change anything abut my reality.

I think for people in our situations the answer is not to sleep around or anything (not that you would) but to find someone who we truly care about who, in turn really cares about us. Only then can intimacy be enjoyed.

I've been trying to find someone who cares about me and whom I care about. Sleeping with a random person has it's risks, and when I tell them I've never had sex and that I have scars on my legs from cutting, if they don't take off, are going to be disappointed in bed. It's just hard finding someone who's attracted to me and to whom I'm attracted.

This is just my opinion and seeing as I have given up hope of finding someone and I will be horrible to people I meet anyway I have no right to dictate your life!

You should never give up, especially at 19. Not even I've given up on finding someone. And you've attracted at least a few people in your life, enough to have sex with you, so you're doing better than me there. You said you feel empty after having sex, was that because you didn't love the person? And were you ever sexually abused? (Feel free to answer that last question in a private message) Regardless, I don't think sex should be an issue to deal with in your state these days and it's probably not the right time for a relationship right now. But never give up. Just wait until you're better and more stable and loving yourself again.

Sorry for this seemingly long and pointless post :-S

It wasn't too long or pointless, you were just trying to help and I appreciate it. Just know I'm gonna hassle you every time you put yourself down. ;-)

But if there is anyway I could help you please let me know

I think this is just something I'm gonna have to figure out by myself. Thanks.