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I was dependent upon AA my first time around. I say that because I went to meetings, did service work, but the entire time I was holding on by a thread. I wanted to drink even though I was sober and in AA. My commitments to AA were the only thing keeping me sober. Once I let go of those commitments, I drank. It was inevitable.
Today I go to meeting because I want to go. Not because I'm obligated or feel my sobriety is threatened if I don't go. Today I seek a spiritual way of life because I want to, not because I'm afraid I'll drink. AA today for me feels effortless. That doesn't mean I don't put effort into it, but it feels effortless because it is not a burden, it is not an obligation, it is not something I do out of fear. It is a joy.
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