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Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe  I'm not sure if this is the right section of the forum to post this, but I figured it has a great deal to do with my mental health.
I can still smell the stripper's scent on me. When she was grinding on me, it reminded me of what I lack: intimacy. I'm bi, but I've never had sex with a man or woman and I'm 24. It's a point of personal embarrassment, although I've kind of got over it over the years. It's mostly due to the fact that part of my depression is anxiety, social anxiety and not taking as many risks. On top of that, I'm 70 pounds overweight and I do not really consider myself physically attractive. And despite what people try to tell me, I still believe physical good looks play the major component in whether people my age are attracted to someone or not. So because of that and what the depression does to me, I just don't have much confidence to approach a guy or girl I like for fear of likely rejection and know they're not going to be attracted to someone with poor confidence as people are attracted to confidence. And more than intimacy I want someone with whom to share my love and affection, but no one since my first and only girlfriend at 16 has let me get that close.
My therapist encourages me to distract myself when those thoughts come up, but it only seems to bury it temporarily only to come back stronger later on. It just makes me so depressed and I don't know how to deal with these feelings, not to mention the pressing sexual frustration (which of course I can handle on my own, but only presents a temporary fix). It makes it worse when I hear of other people my age having sex and being intimate with their partners. Even when I was exercising regularly, I still didn't find myself much more attractive or have more confidence. Partly this may be my erroneous perception of what's attractive from being barraged by the media, and I know too as a result of that I have high standards as far as looks go. I've tried dating sites like Match.com and OKCupid but I don't really get anywhere with anyone or manage to say something that turns them away. I just want to be a new person with confidence and a new body, and not feel embarrassed about being a 24-year-old virgin with scars from cutting on his legs. I just want a relationship with intimacy and that feels so far away, which makes me more depressed, and keeps my confidence low. I'm just so tired of feeling sorry for myself for something that's been mostly in my control for so long.
I don't suppose there's anything anyone could say to make me feel better about this, I just wanted to share. Back to distracting myself with sleep, internship, school and work. Let's hope it can work enough until I can move somewhere else and start a new job and start anew.  |
Hi Clay
you've been helping me so much recently with my problems that I thought i'd share with you.
I am generally hetrosexual and have had six different sexual partners that started from the age of 14. to be perfectly honest sex has never really 'worked' for me...I always seem to feel more lost and empty afterwards than I did before but that's just me...not trying to put you off.
I think if you have low confidence people tend to avoid you because they don't know what to say to you and since low self-esteem/confidence isn't something that just flutters away with the butterflys (unfortunately) we are stuck with it...until such a time that we can start to overcome it...although to be honest I think a portion of it will stay with us forever (not trying to be pessimistic it's just what i've observed from friends and family members who are older than me)
Have you tried meeting people with similar problems to yourself? I often find that I find it easier to communicate with people who have similar problems to myself because then I can identify with them and we can comfort each other in any times of need.
I think for people in our situations the answer is not to sleep around or anything (not that you would) but to find someone who we truly care about who, in turn really cares about us. Only then can intimacy be enjoyed.
This is just my opinion and seeing as I have given up hope of finding someone and I will be horrible to people I meet anyway I have no right to dictate your life!
Sorry for this seemingly long and pointless post :-S
But if there is anyway I could help you please let me know
Aimee