[MCake]

I honestly don't think you should feel embarassed. What you said -and the way you feel about the situation- is absolutely understandable, and it's healthy to acknowledge feelings. Maybe going to a pub isn't in your best interest right now so, like Carl said, what are your options?

And.. what about your mindset? If you focus on feeling deprived, you're bound to struggle. Why don't you focus on feeling excited/grateful/free instead? It's not necessarily easier said than done

Take care, keep reaching out