[Osakis]

My little family is going through a crisis and we don't know what to do. About three years ago, my 45-year-old brother was forced to move in "temporarily" with my recently-widowed, 77-year-old mother. His marriage and business had recently failed and he had health problems (a chronic back condition that has required two surgeries in two years and brings with it excruciating pain).

My brother has always been a loner and depressive -- clinical depression runs in our family. I've been aware for some years that he's been using alcohol to self-medicate, but since he has never presented himself as stereotypically drunk, I wasn't aware of the extent of his problem.

Last fall I also moved back home (I'm a single, 38-year-old woman) because I sensed that my mom and brother weren't coping well with his various problems. My brother has been keeping to himself -- coming home from work and going to his room, which he insisted that we not enter. He said it was the only place in the world he had that was "his." As it turns out, his need for privacy likely had much more to do with his escalating drinking.

Last week he broke up with his girlfriend, who had demanded he get help for his depression. He did go to the doctor and got some antidepressants (Lexapro) and shared his concerns about his alcohol use with the doctor. He quit drinking when he went on the Lexapro and quickly "crashed" with withdrawal. At this point, mom and I didn't know about the alcoholism; we thought depression was his big issue. When he disappeared one night, we were frantic, fearing he'd gone off somewhere to commit suicide.

Turns out he sought refuge at the home of a woman he barely knows who was kind enough to take him in. He stayed there a couple of days, and she got him a bottle because she lives in the country and was afraid his withdrawal was severe enough to cause his body to shut down.

We got him home and back to the doctor, who prescribed meds (Atavin and a valium-related drug) to help with the withdrawal. We took away the keys to his vehicle and haven't let him go anyplace by himself. We also dumped out all the liquor we had in the house. I gather from online reading that these are not the right things to do, but we don't what else to do. We don't feel he is in shape to drive and of course we fear what he will do if he's out of our sight. We can't even be sure that he's been off liquor the past few days, as ahe might well have a stash someplace in the house that we haven't discovered. His severe withdrawal symptoms seem to have abated, at least.

He feels like he's under "house arrest," and honestly he is. I don't think our house is the best place for him now. Living at home with mom (who tends to be rather controlling and treats him like her little boy) has exacerbated his problems, I think. But he has nowhere else to go. He tried to "play" this kind woman who took him in, suggesting that he was interested in her romantically so she'd let him stay there, but she understands that he's not in any shape to pursue a relationship. He hasn't been to work in more than a week, and we are expecting him to be let go. He has no financial resources.

I am encouraged by the fact that he has sought help -- from the doctor and from the local mental/chemical dependency treatment center. He has indicated a willingness to try A.A. I plan to start attending Al-Anon this week. My mother, however, is deeply frightened and also comes from the generation in which alcoholism carries a stigma, so she is also ashamed. She wants/needs to keep an eye on Kevin and try to control his behavior. I fight these same impulses -- at least if we keep him home, we know he's "okay" (relatively speaking).

Can anyone offer any help or insight on what we should be doing? We love my brother so much and want him to get well and we feel helpless and scared. Thanks for any help anyone can offer.

kgm