Hey there. Greetings from Philly.
I'm gonna make a long story short. I've been doing heroin every day for about the past 7 months. I tried to quit cold turkey two days ago, and I made it through about 36 hours before I just broke down. I was lucky enough to have a lady who a friend of mine knows from NA programs come to stay with me to help get me through it and keep me company so I wasn't so alone and tempted with things, but at about 7pm last night, I said F**K this and carried my happy ass up to the Badlands and made myself feel better.
I felt pretty disgusted with myself and in my heart, I really want to quit this crap. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it governing every aspect of my life and controlling my every move. I'm sick of everything about it. The physical withdrawl was just entirely too much for me to handle and process. For reasons I don't care to mention, I am unable to go into a methadone treatment program, and the waiting lists for suboxone treatment for people without insurance (eg, myself) is something like two months long.
Sooo, tonight, rather than going out and getting some dope, I went and copped some Suboxone. I figure I can't suffer through another two months of heroin addiction, and if the system isn't going to help me, I'm going to help myself. (Yeah, I know, I shouldn't be doing that. It's illegal. Well, so is heroin. I know, I shouldn't be taking pills without a doctors supervision...well, it's better than shootin' that crap into my veins.)
So, here's my questions to everyone.
1) At what point in my withdrawl should I take my first dose of Suboxone? I have read that you're not supposed to take it until you're in mild to moderate withdrawls. What exactly are 'mild to moderate withdrawls'?
Is that the sweats? The cramps? When my legs start doing this crazy thing where they seem to pretty much control themselves? Can anyone, so you're not giving me medical advice, please tell me at what point YOU began taking your suboxone?
2) What dose of suboxone is normal to start out with? I'm not looking to get high. I could give a bleepity bleep about getting high right now. I just wanna get off heroin. What dose did you start out with? Someone who, say, maybe did a bundle a day until about three weeks ago, and who has regularly been doing 4-6 bags a day for the past three weeks? I have 2 8mg pills right now, just to get me started. I didn't want to buy a bunch of them until I got some advice, or um, heard about other peoples experiences with the pills.
3) How long should I take them? Maybe someone could tell me how long they had to take suboxone and at what dosage? I'm looking to have the shortest experience possible with these buggers, while still managing to curb some of the hella intense withdrawl symptoms. From what I've read, I'm still going to experience some type of withdrawl, it's just not as bad as immediately coming off of the dope devil.
4) Can anyone give me any insight as to what to expect from all of this? I'm really pretty much clueless and in the dark with it all, and frankly, at this point, I'm a bit desperate. I tried seeking some answers through the local NA, and I don't like the NA approach to things. They got their thing that works for them, and more power to 'em, but that program just is not for me. I respect and admire their sobriety, but I just can't dive head first into a program that I disagree with on so many levels. I want to get off dope. Bottom line. I don't smoke pot, I don't do coke, I don't do anything else. Hell, I don't drink for that matter. I just want to stop shoving a needle in my veins every day of my life. I did my last bit about an hour ago, and it wasn't much, so I should start feelin' crappy when I wake up in the morning. What time tomorrow do you think the suboxone might be effective?
I think I'm starting to repeat myself, so I'm going to stop now and hope that someone out there answers my post and decides to give me some help and guidance. I'm begging for it, and I'm willing and ready to take it (as long as it's not the 12 steps. Sorry.)
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KC