SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - In your own words, describe schizophrenia. Bi-polar disorder. Which am I?

martha27 · 06-18-2009, 06:28 PM

WOW - Okay heavy stuff.

All I can tell you is from my experience and you can compare yourself to that, I am going share with you stuff I have really never told anyone before, but hopefully it will help and a lot of this behaviour has stopped since I have been on my meds and even better now I am sober (much better).

Diagnosed: Bipolar 1 with psychotic episodes
Medication: Lithium (mood stabilser), seroquel (antipsychotic), valium (anxiety) + other meds for underactive thyroid,etc. They are discussing whether to put me onto an antidepressant as i am depressed at the moment (very rare)

Moods: Mainly manic once every few years depression
Auditory & visual hallucintations: all the time (until I took Seroquel now they are gone almost completely)
Psychotic episodes: Usually a serious one once a year

I have been described by doctors as being very close to being schizopheric, and I think this relates to my psychotic episodes rather than my moods. If you look at both of our meds there only real difference is the antidepressants and the fact that you are taking 2 anti psychotics, this would lead me to conclude that you are having more psychotic episodes than me and due to your depression they may be darker in nature.

My psychotic episodes have included everything from prostitution, drug abuse, mafia affiliations and activites. However these were years ago before I started taking my meds.

My hallucinations are usally auditory i.e. radio and TV talking and laughing directly at me, terrorising me. My visual hallucinations have involved everything from having profound spirtual visions, to the man following me and things being moved.

In saying this I have never had fantastises about killing, I have had grandiose fantasties that are tied up with the mafia, these involve intimidation but not murder, etc.

I hope that me being honest has helped put a stick in the sand for where you are at, hanging onto your own sanity with nothing to cling onto can be like Alice in Wonderland. in saying this, it does not matter to me what my label is, the biggest danger to my life is paranoid psychosis and I must take my meds and stay on track or I could go down the hole and never come back, I am lucky to be alive, the last manic psychotic stunt I nearly got myself killed, that was years ago now.

But last year I messed around with my meds so I could get the creative inspiration to write my book and I ended up in a psychotic state, agitated with the media thinking cate blanchett was stalking me - yeh right! back onto the meds and no messing up from now on.

My advice would be to have less focus on your diagnosis (you know its an inexact science) and more focus on whether you meds are working - do you feel that they are working? do you feel strong enough to maintain you sobriety? can you resist the grandiose fantasies?

I hope this has helped at least in part Cleansing, its not easy I truly acknowledge that, you are doing brilliantly well against astrounding circumstances, I full appreciate how challanging your road is, but you are entitled to a fulfilling life and your meds are part of that program, not your diagnosis so much. xx

06-18-2009, 06:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
martha27 13 May 2009 Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 83	WOW - Okay heavy stuff. All I can tell you is from my experience and you can compare yourself to that, I am going share with you stuff I have really never told anyone before, but hopefully it will help and a lot of this behaviour has stopped since I have been on my meds and even better now I am sober (much better). Diagnosed: Bipolar 1 with psychotic episodes Medication: Lithium (mood stabilser), seroquel (antipsychotic), valium (anxiety) + other meds for underactive thyroid,etc. They are discussing whether to put me onto an antidepressant as i am depressed at the moment (very rare) Moods: Mainly manic once every few years depression Auditory & visual hallucintations: all the time (until I took Seroquel now they are gone almost completely) Psychotic episodes: Usually a serious one once a year I have been described by doctors as being very close to being schizopheric, and I think this relates to my psychotic episodes rather than my moods. If you look at both of our meds there only real difference is the antidepressants and the fact that you are taking 2 anti psychotics, this would lead me to conclude that you are having more psychotic episodes than me and due to your depression they may be darker in nature. My psychotic episodes have included everything from prostitution, drug abuse, mafia affiliations and activites. However these were years ago before I started taking my meds. My hallucinations are usally auditory i.e. radio and TV talking and laughing directly at me, terrorising me. My visual hallucinations have involved everything from having profound spirtual visions, to the man following me and things being moved. In saying this I have never had fantastises about killing, I have had grandiose fantasties that are tied up with the mafia, these involve intimidation but not murder, etc. I hope that me being honest has helped put a stick in the sand for where you are at, hanging onto your own sanity with nothing to cling onto can be like Alice in Wonderland. in saying this, it does not matter to me what my label is, the biggest danger to my life is paranoid psychosis and I must take my meds and stay on track or I could go down the hole and never come back, I am lucky to be alive, the last manic psychotic stunt I nearly got myself killed, that was years ago now. But last year I messed around with my meds so I could get the creative inspiration to write my book and I ended up in a psychotic state, agitated with the media thinking cate blanchett was stalking me - yeh right! back onto the meds and no messing up from now on. My advice would be to have less focus on your diagnosis (you know its an inexact science) and more focus on whether you meds are working - do you feel that they are working? do you feel strong enough to maintain you sobriety? can you resist the grandiose fantasies? I hope this has helped at least in part Cleansing, its not easy I truly acknowledge that, you are doing brilliantly well against astrounding circumstances, I full appreciate how challanging your road is, but you are entitled to a fulfilling life and your meds are part of that program, not your diagnosis so much. xx