...I just don't know why I have these feelings and thoughts...
i'm so exhausted...a couple of weeks ago I managed to flush around 350 quid down the drain on tattoos and getting my hair cut and other non essential things...I thought it'd make me happy because it was all part of my 'plan' I was really excited all the time...had lots of thoughts and big ideas and PLANS. so I spent the money and was hyperactive and got hardly any sleep...
over the last couple of weeks I have dropped significantly again and I have arranged another appointment with my therapist...the doc has also put my citalopram from 20mg to 40mg...can't feel the effects yet...
my mind and self esteem and everything has dropped too low...i'm even thinking about finishing it all again...I wish I could cut again but I promised my parents I wouldn't
I feel so guilty and useless and hopeless...there is NOT A LIGHT AT THE END OF MY TUNNEL...nothing but smelly disgusting sewege water and a man with an axe waiting to put me out of my misery...
I keep getting these really weird images and hearing these whispers and they make me twitch and feel really weird and people notice! they think I'm crazy!
I just wish someone would lock me up in the mental hospital so I can't do damage to myself or others...I HATE MYSELF!!!
sorry
I just can't do it anymore