[MRPHREEZ]

Hello Im not new to the forum but new to this area!~

Well im must say im confused right now!......alot has happened to me in the last year...i got a divorce..... I started iving oxy's and got addcited...ended up getting off of oxy IN MARCH 2009...and started my recovery! yet i still feel so lost inside right now! i miss my ex wife so much! it has been a little over a year since our split! ive moved on since then! but my feelings havent!! i forget about her when im Busy....maybe thats why i work so much! Shes in another state so we dont see eachother on a regular basis!~see we knew eachother when we were kids (i was 16 she was 15) there was a 10 year gap we diddent see eachother! then we reunited! It almost feels like it all was a dream!

thats also why i enjoyed the oxy! when i was high on oxy i wouldent think of her near as much! i was numb! I kept my job through my addiction i even did Better when i was using...felt more confident....happy! But oxy was eating my Body....diminishing my soal....I lost so much weight i knew if i diddent stop i would e dead!~ plus i knew i was at the worst point i could be at I was a junkie!` i depened on that needle! so i seeked help!` im glad of that i really am! i dont think i will ever (iv) again!~ However

I will tell you friends im frustrated!~ i feel like i wanna use !~ maybe not (iv) but i need numbness! i want a oxy right now so bad i can tatse it! i have plenty of sub! and iM thinking of going on a little "vacation" im mad at myself that i feel this way! i dont know yet if im going to follow through but i do know it's on my mind! everything is just building up! its due to a recent conversation her and i had!! I can tell by talking with her.....our relationship was casual to her....

i dont know how to explain it I Just know she dont feel the same about me! when she called i diddent answer for weeks...i couldent hear her voice! she left a message and said she missed me! so i gave in and i answered..ya know she hasent said it but i think she wants to be a friend and fly down whenever she wants! hey im a guy i should want that right? no folks i love this women i cant just be casual with her and i cant even bear to think that way yet!

Im so mad that i reacted this way! Maybe She dont meen to hurt my feelings! But she does!~ i sent her a message and asked her to let me fall out of love with her but i did explain how i felt!~ i told her if she showed up at my door i would take her Back in a seconed! but we both know thats not gonna happen i also told her the next phone call i get better be for directions if not... let me fall out of love with you!

Folks i diddent call her for over 6 months she told me in houston she fell out of lOve with me! i left her alone..why did she call me? I dont know man im just depressed!! how dare her play with my feelings.....she just was bourd this last time she called....ya know she was prolly just seeing if she could get me back! when she found out she could BOOM!~ when i said i gave in i meen she asked me if i wanted to work on things i agreed....


there would Be days where she wouldent call's or return my text's lol this is 2009 you can Contact someone if you want! It hurt my feelings! And i had a awaking inside! So i simply text her and told her to stop calling! but tonight i left her 2 messages telling her how much i loved her!i wish i wouldent of called now she is gonna wake up in the morNing and hear them!` its just what she wants!~ im mad at myself for being so stupied!~


WHY DOES SHE STILL CALL?
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
ANY ADVICE!