Quote:
Originally Posted by CPASpouse  wowsers...i can so identify with that. It's like you get drawn into the web and stuck, thinking you're trying to "be there" for the loved one then frustrated when you get pushback because you're controlling the finances etc. Knowing that if you give a chunk of money for things like groceries, gas, etc. the chances are that alot of it will go to drugs. When you're the sole breadwinner, how do you balance that kind of stuff out when you've tried to be trusting with household funds only to see it get used for non-household things so you really aren't controlling? Do you take on the added responsibility of the groceries, gas and other miscellaneous or just make sure that any amount that could be funneled for a "use" will at worse result in an empty tank of gas that will mean the loved one will have to find an alternative way for transportation. Guilty as charged for alot of the enabling but trying to find a better way to let her do what she's gonna do and not get tied into the manipulation that goes along to try and feed the addiction? |
Me too! I too am married to an addict, I also am the sole breadwinner, but on top of things, I am also an addict! Which makes things doubly hard! I control all the money in the house. I have to, he has gotten into the check book and bounced checks to his dealer. I let him have, maybe $10 at a time. I pay all the bills, do all the banking, go grocery shopping, etc. Its a big pain in the butt. But I have a little control over the money. The bad thing is, HE is the one that knows the dealer and we BOTH have a drug problem. I am here today because I am trying to get a handle on it. I plan to start a week long taper and as long as I can resist my husband, I can do it. But I'm not sure where on this board I am supposed to be, since I am an addict, family member of an addict, enabler and codependent?!?
