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123bubblegum123 · 06-06-2009, 07:02 PM

Utopia,

I wanted to thank you for this post. Although I am not gay or even in a committed relationship at the moment, I can relate to this. I have a long history of being involved in unstable and unhealthy relationships with dangerous men - which has prevented me from getting to know more worthy men and has also enabled me to repeat the bad pattern!

Now that I am committed to sobriety and living a healthier life I'm no longer interested in the losers who I used to be attracted to but for some reason it is hard to adjust! Plus, I'm sure you can relate to the created behaviors of avoiding intimacy and lacking the ability to trust people because in the past letting people in was too costly, so it was much easier to numb emotions and keep everyone else at a safe distance.

I guess the only advice I would have would be to think before you speak. I've noticed that I can be a really jealous and untrusting person when really all that does is push the object of my affection far away and sabatoge any possibility of a relationship. It's also me setting myself up to keep that person at a "safe distance" when really if I'm sober and healthy and they are also healthy, there would be no sane need to do that!

Also, let me say that people attract each other for a reason. Maybe your cool, calm and collected boyfriend admires your quirks and neuroticism? Maybe instead of labeling your behavior as sabatoging, allow yourself to have feelings and call a friend or post on here before acting on anything. I'm horrible with emotions, and I really struggle with explaining how I feel to someone I care about but communication is key in any relationship, so try to initiate some kind of check in talk with your partner and question him to see if he is at all bothered by it. I know I often live in my head a lot, and when I assume things I make an ass out of u and me so why not speak up and set the record straight? If he loves you, or at least respect you, he'll most certainly respond warmly.

I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on opening yourself up to true love!

Hugs & support,
Rach

06-06-2009, 07:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
123bubblegum123 it's a movie, you're the star Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 356	Utopia, I wanted to thank you for this post. Although I am not gay or even in a committed relationship at the moment, I can relate to this. I have a long history of being involved in unstable and unhealthy relationships with dangerous men - which has prevented me from getting to know more worthy men and has also enabled me to repeat the bad pattern! Now that I am committed to sobriety and living a healthier life I'm no longer interested in the losers who I used to be attracted to but for some reason it is hard to adjust! Plus, I'm sure you can relate to the created behaviors of avoiding intimacy and lacking the ability to trust people because in the past letting people in was too costly, so it was much easier to numb emotions and keep everyone else at a safe distance. I guess the only advice I would have would be to think before you speak. I've noticed that I can be a really jealous and untrusting person when really all that does is push the object of my affection far away and sabatoge any possibility of a relationship. It's also me setting myself up to keep that person at a "safe distance" when really if I'm sober and healthy and they are also healthy, there would be no sane need to do that! Also, let me say that people attract each other for a reason. Maybe your cool, calm and collected boyfriend admires your quirks and neuroticism? Maybe instead of labeling your behavior as sabatoging, allow yourself to have feelings and call a friend or post on here before acting on anything. I'm horrible with emotions, and I really struggle with explaining how I feel to someone I care about but communication is key in any relationship, so try to initiate some kind of check in talk with your partner and question him to see if he is at all bothered by it. I know I often live in my head a lot, and when I assume things I make an ass out of u and me so why not speak up and set the record straight? If he loves you, or at least respect you, he'll most certainly respond warmly. I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on opening yourself up to true love! Hugs & support, Rach __________________ i'm just a little girl with big dreams.