Hi,
I'm just looking for help, sharings on when you find real love, how to adjust to it and accept it and not sabotage it. Im afraid that due to a lack of self worth I'm going to ruin a great relationship. After 5 years of hard recovery work with many paybacks I have gotten involved with a very calm, supportive and loving man but now I find myself ina rut. It's only been about 6 months since we met properly and about 4 months committment ( a record fo rme) but I find myself feeling trapped or perhaps a bit bored lately, maybe i feel stagnant. It's a gay relationship and sometimes I wonder if I wouldnt prefer a woman though Im mostly attracted to men and only have kissed women when feeling a need for comfort rather than anything sexual and this has been only witha rare sort of woman as I mostly "gay".......I wonder why I feel like this or is love, reall life in a comitted relationship a bit blase at times,,,,do long term relationships.which ive never had, have moments where things seem a bit boring, why do i worry about him having a bit too much of a tummy for my liking, if hes really "that" good looking when hes such a giving and loving soul......why does part of me feel like its grieving for the days of my past when one night stands, drunken clubbing and masturbating to porno gave me a thrill,,,,i yearned so long to be loved and held and now i am and if he has a day where he just wants to be or i have a dya like today where i just feel a bit ....meh,,,,do i really want to end this, or what is it that needs to end ? im so confused.is my sexuality changing? am i becoming less sexual and more something else? am i just shaming my sexual side that has been explored in a loving and committed fashion for the first time in my life ever, the first time ive been respected and treated not as an object but more as a just a plain ol me, a person, a human.....what the heck do i do with this realtionship thing now that its well and truly here to stay and i have a sense of restlessness? how do i keep myself from sabotaging to chase some distant obscure ":thing" or "place".........any guidance>???
