The Gibran passage has been the guide that I've followed imperfectly since my children were born. My biological children were nine & twelve when I got sober. I have had a gaggle of step kids over the years, and five years ago, I got two more, both with a sober dad. There's no doubt that I'm a much better parent these days, though still admittedly and (most of the time
) humbly imperfect. My kids are now 15, 19, 19 & 20.
The things that I wish my parents would have done differently would crash the server were I to list them all -- and at the same time, I know that the way they raised me is part of what makes me who I am today.
What do I do differently? I talk to my kids. In as much as I'd like to be a friend to them, I let them know that I can't put aside my parental role -- ever. I'm a mom first, friend second. No subject is off-limits. We've had some very detailed discussions about sex, addiction, politics, religion, etc. I let them know that they have my unconditional love, but not my unconditional approval of their behavior. I value them as individuals and also impress upon them that they are part of a family. Sometimes, one person requires more attention or resources, but no one gets to dominate all the time. I try to listen more than I speak (and with teenagers like mine, that's not hard to do), and if I see that something's troubling them, I ask. I don't wait for them to come to me.
There's more, but I have to listen to a pitch about why a python makes a good pet
Peace & Love,
Sugah