Quote:
Originally Posted by paulmh  I know this is a terrifically general question, but what would you have liked your parents to have done differently? I'd like to be a better parent to my kids, but sometimes, like anyone I suppose, I feel too close to be able to see what's going on.[/I] |
That's a great question Paul, my fiancee and I were discussing this last night while mulling over what to do about my son, we're struggling with his selfishness, ego, entitlement, and being spoiled in general.
My kids are 11 & 13, they were 7 & 9 when I stumbled into AA, they witnessed plenty of my drinking, the fighting, their Mom's affair, the divorce, etc. So I guess I can never say "my kids have never seen me drink".
Honestly, I think my parents did a pretty good job. Dad worked his butt off and went to school to always better himself, Mom was a housewife and did an admirable job of raising three boys. They always told us they loved us, did their best to teach us responsibility, and they both drank and fought way too much. So if I had one wish, it's that I didn't learn about relationships from watching them. I grew up thinking it was OK to drink and fight as long as it didn't turn physical.
I often have to think about one of the AA Promises,
we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Sometimes it's so painful to look back, but in looking forward I'm inspired to do the next right thing, and to keep my side of the street clean. I tell my children I love them every day, I lead with my example, I give careful thought to my actions and behavior around them. I'm way too hard on myself sometimes, I'm probably a darn good parent and you probably are too, most parents in recovery seem to be that way. So let's give ourselves a pat on the back, at least for today, OK?
I like to read this part of The Prophet sometimes, it helps put things back in perspective for me......
On Children
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.