Quote:
Originally Posted by Snarfblak  I don't want to end up with a hostage though. I know that I should probably wait until I get more grounded with my new sponsor and start back up on working my program, but I'm afraid if the oppurtunity presents itself (which I have taken steps to try to make sure it will) I will end up dating. |
Keeping in mind that the 12 Steps constitute a program of "rigorous honesty," let's just look at the way you wrote this. You are deliberately taking steps to get yourself in a dating situation, even though you know that this is not what you should be doing....and then you say that you are "afraid" that "if the opportunity presents itself," (just like magic, of course, not because you've orchestrated things so that that's exactly what's likely to happen!), you will "end up" dating - just like that, just "end up dating," because, of course, if the opportunity (said opportunity having been carefully manipulated by you) arises, you have no choice but to take advantage of it, right?
Wrong.
You have choices...and it appears that, not only are you not making safe, healthy ones, but you working pretty hard to set everything up so that you can justify and rationalize your unsafe, unhealthy ones -- so that when what you're orchestrating actually happens, you can see yourself as a "victim of circumstances." Nope -- if it happens it will be because you have chosen it and contrived to make it happen,
despite knowing that it is dangerous for you, your sobriety and for whomever foolishly falls into your trap.
Not for nuthin', but that, to me, doesn't sound like anything close to rigorous honesty -- and it sounds even less like a great basis for a relationship. Actually, what it sounds like is the very promising start of a hostage situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snarfblak any advice would be helpful (probably more helpful if I actually take it)...  |
What was your new sponsors advice???? You have discussed this with her, right? If you have, then maybe you need to start with taking
her advice....after all, I'm assuming you asked her to be your sponsor for a reason...And, on the off chance that you haven't, well, that would be one more strong indication that you are playing games with yourself and your sobriety here....and I'm very afraid that those are games that you are highly unlikely to win.
Really
Excellent
Love
Affair
Turns
Into
Outrageous
Nightmare
Sobriety
Hangs
In
Peril
(Mickey B., Santa Monica, CA.)
freya ...and BTW, my guess is that that lonely feeling is your HP trying to get your attention, and if you really want to take care care of that feeling in the most effective, most satisfying, most permanent way, I strongly suggest that you give it to Him/Her/It and let Him/Her/It figure out how all the rest of this is going to work out for you and when.