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Originally Posted by 1dayatatime  1. when she is being suspicious and mean about something she has conjoured up in her head, do I allow her to keep ranting?
2. She knows she is sick and uses the "Bipolar" label to excuse her bad behaviour. She says really mean and hurtfull things, things that just don't need to be said, causing chaos in the fam. The next day she is over it, and says to everyone she is bipolar and she can't help it. Do we jump back and say what we feel? Mostly we let her rant and try to calm her down, overlook it and move on. But it is or seems to be getting worse with her outrages. And who ever is in her path during what we think is an episode gets her wrath. She says she can't help it, she blurts out or hollars, "IM BIPOLAR G**D D** IT!", is this true?
3. when she calls after being up for 2-3 days and no sleep and realize she is drinking not taking her meds, do we stand firm in not allowing her to wollar in self pity?
4. She is at odds with someone always. Usually rationall thinking can help one realize it isn't as it seems. She can not process this rationally. She goes bezerk and if it aint me today it is someone tomorrow. There is always someone close to her causing her to be in a mood. Something someone said. No matter how small it is, she blows it out of proportion. Outside of listening to it over and over, what can I say to help calm her down?
Does biploar make you a mean and vengefull person or is this just her character?
Also my sister puts on real thick guilt on the fam. She brings up every episode she needed help and how this one or that one didn't care and didn't come to her rescue. Or if we did, we didn't do it properly. Is this typical bipolar behaviour?
I am trying not to hate her and do not want to shut her out of my life simply because i don't understand. But at the same time I can't keep allowing her to say and do the hurtful and mean things she does.
I have read everything online I can find about bipolar and nothing explains how to deal with someone with bipolar when she is being rude, vengeful, way of thinking.
But I have to ask is bipolar mean she will always be selfish and self centered? Is this fair to keep allowing her to be the center of attention? Can she help it at all? Can she refrain from saying rude and obnoxious things?
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I'm sorry your sister is bipolar. The good thing is, she has a diagnosis after years of being undiagnosed. You should know that all that time has been traumatic for her. Being bipolar is traumatic.
The bad news is, it doesn't sound like she takes her meds regularly and like she has a good medical team. She sounds like she is extremely unstable and totally unmedicated. She needs to be inpatient for a little while until she gets stable, IMO. If I were acting the way your sister is acting (drinking, being belligerant and obnoxious, acting out) my therapist would put me in the hospital in a second. It's a clear sign she's not medicated properly.
That said, let me try to answer your questions. (I'm bipolar 1 and have a long traumatic history.)
1) You do not have control over her. You only have control over yourself. You cannot "NOT ALLOW" her to be rude. All you can do is change your own location. Leave. Don't sit around and take it. Excuse yourself nicely and leave.
2) Same thing. Yes, she has some control. But she is not treated and so no, she can't help some of it. Her hell is 1000 times greater than yours. Try to have compassion but protect yourself from too much exposure and hurt. I do think you are getting your sister and her disease confused here.
3) You don't have the power to "not allow her to wallow" in anything. It's not your job. It's not even possible. If you don't appreciate what she is doing or saying, tell her so nicely and excuse yourself.
4) There is nothing you can say to help calm her down. Nothing. Once again, you seem to give yourself a lot of power.
Bipolar does not make you a mean and vengeful person. It makes you act like one sometimes. But it doesn't change the person you are inside. It does, unfortunately, change how others think of you. ANd unfortunatly, you think you are seeing your sister but you are seeing her disease.
You don't have the power to NOT ALLOW her to say and do the hurtful and mean things. It's not within your power.
She is most likely not selfish and self-centered. I think every effort should be made to get her better medical care and she will change dramatically. In the meantime, I would do my best to care for her compassionately and less judgementally. And exit when needed. Limit how much time you spend with her and stop taking it all so personally.
Just my thoughts.