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Hi- Don't be sorry!!! You are beginning to find your own answers and that is what it has to be about for you. My name is Amanda and I am an addict in recovery. You are right, it is wonderful that he decided not to use after your fight. But he DOES need to find his own answers, just like you do. Feeling like a mom - - - rough, and hard to stop that caretaking, I know. On top of being an addict, I have grown up around the addiciton of others and suffer from trying to take care of EVERYTHING too.
You may have seen that there are other forums in here - ones for Alanon and Naranon... You will get great support and feedback there for what YOU are going through and that is the best thing you can do for yourself (and for him) - - - because this IS happening to you too. The partners and family members and friends of addicts very often go through soooooo much pain because they fool themselves (and the addiction in their loved one fools them too - it wants them to keep on fixing things because that allows the sickness to continue to control everything around it) into thinking that they can DO something (ANYTHING!!!!) to help make things better. What you CAN do is learn about addiction and learn some tools to help YOU take care of you while your partner finds his own way.
Hard to let go... REALLY hard, but you are on the right track! And letting go doesn't have to mean losing your loved one, unless they choose not to recover for themselves. And that is up to them - - - - you cannot do anything to help them make that decision, with the possible exception of refraining from enabling them in their sickness. He sounds like he has a desire to stop. I wish you all the best in finding some peace for yourself... Keep on writing!
hugs to you! amanda
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