| How do you know it's the end or the beginning?
I ask this question in all seriousness. How you do distinguish between the two? Or is it too hard to do? I'm at either point now and I am not sure. OTOH, I have to be a realist. I did something today I've never done - tell my brother I need to talk to him. For me to reach out to a member of my family is just not the norm. I have no idea what to say to him. Of course, there is the obvious reason - I need an executor to my will. Then again, maybe I am just sick of living this way. Maybe both. I must be the slowest person *on the planet* to realize I am dealing with a very serious issue.
I really screwed up today. Was on an anti-psychotic for a few days and stopped, per my Dr. saying I could take it that way, but maybe it was too heavy duty for me (not sure if that is why I did what I did today and no one is a Dr. here and not seeking medical advice). My dad takes it for Alzheimers. So for a few days I was on two anti-psychotics, an anti-depressant, a mood stablizer, and anti anxiety agent. No wonder I am a nutcase. I am a walking pharmacy. Perhaps my meds are causing a problem, and I took an email today perhaps in the wrong way and blew off my treatment group. I wasn't altogether altogether.
I can't give up but have screwed up and don't know how to fix it. Of course, I could always apologize and say I want to go back to my group, but dammit that is hard. All of this is hard. I sort of snapped in that email. I have got to stop with these heavy duty drugs and mixing them. I do have an appt with my Dr. on 6/3. How much damage can I do between now and then, rhetorically speaking. I guess I am just putting this out there. Sorry and I know I am a pain in the arse, but this is the best recovery forum around and I do need help right now. Sort of desperate. Thanks.
|