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Yep, using dreams are scary. And they might feel almost like a relapse. They aren't. We just about all get them, and I used to feel really guilty about them. Remember, you didn't ask to have this dream and it isn't real. You can use it to help you remember how bad a relapse would feel. Maybe that's why we get them??? IDK, but do you have a sponsor now? It sounds like you have a lot of things going on in your recovery and it would help you to connect with a sponsor. I mean a real sponsor that you call almost every day and talk to about the important things going on in your head and in your life and in your recovery. Someone to pull you up on your sh!t. That's what you need, a sponsor and a network that can save you when you are going through a rough patch in recovery. Where are you with that stuff?
Love,
KJ
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